Category Archives: praise

Presence instead of praise

We’ve all heard a million times that things like
– “good job!”
– awards for everything… just for showing up basically
– graduation ceremonies for graduating from pre-school and elementary school
– helicopter parenting generally
are not constructive and can actually lead to narcissism. Or at least looking for more external praise and direction.

I had not heard it framed this way, which I liked:

“So, this year, I am vowing that I won’t let praise replace presence. Whether we are talking about her soccer game or the homemade music box she hopes to create, I want to tune into her stories, engaging her in conversations about the things that are important to her. Instead of responding with “That’s great!” I can ask her how she decided to create a homemade music box, and the materials she thinks are needed. When I remember to ask these questions, she always leans towards me, hungry to open up and share what’s inside her mind.”
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/01/16/my-parenting-resolution-less-praise-more-presence/?wpisrc=nl_parent&wpmm=1

seems like this wording “presence vs praise” came from this book
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/05/23/stephen-grosz-examined-life/

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under exceptionalism, praise, talent vs skill